I gave up my daily check in at the scale...

... and just as I planned, it worked! this whole week I tried to keep my mind of off food, the scale, and just tried to go on with my daily life like any normal person, it felt really good to get on the scale this morning and to see it drastically change...instead of the every morning weigh in's that keep me between 1 and 2 lbs. It is weird how your mind can play tricks on you. If you weigh everyday and see that you have lost a pound, for me anyway, I take it as I can eat whatever I want because I lost, but that is not true... I need to stay off the scale and eat the way I would on any normal day. HEALTHY. So one week after my weigh in at 155... I am officially at the lowest weight I have EVER been at. No "hard" work, no stressing that if I eat THAT I am going to gain a million lbs... I just made the same healthy choices I should on a daily basis and got just the results I wanted. I need to continue this plan so that the scale doesn't take over again! see below for the results :)

My proud moment!! My lowest weight EVER!

To My BFF...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!



Congratulations...this birthday you are even healthier than the last! Love you BFF!!

My Worst Nightmare..!

The past week I have been having daily "nightmares" about gaining all my weight back, I am glad I have this blog to get it off of my mind so I can move on and do something about it! What can I do about it...? I need to stop worrying and start being in control of it, that is what I need to do... Easier said than done that is for sure. it is a mind game. So I need to get myself on a plan... something that I can turn to when I feel like the fat attack is coming at me. (I feel like a drug addict or something LOL) It is strange once you get down to a weight that you are almost satisfied with you start to let your mind mess with you more than the food. I can control what I put in my mouth, how much I put in my mouth, and how much exercise I get in, but for some reason I cannot get my mind to catch up to my loss... it is like an ugly reminder that I am a big girl... even though I am not really anymore. I still wake up everyday thinking "ugh, what if the scale says I have gained"... even if I did gain, it is normal at this point!!! With daily water weight and going up and down with the same 2 or 3 lbs and all that garbage...a normal person(by normal I mean someone who has never struggled with obesity) doesn't look at their daily gain... they hardly ever get on a scale!!! they just follow their lifestyles and go on with their day to day lives, but people who have struggled with obesity have a chain on their ankle with a scale attached, it is like your daily check in point... do not pass go and it follows you like an erie ghost, making you feel uncomfortable and like it is always there. (I know I can move/get rid of it. don't get sassy)

I still have (in my own mind) about 15 lbs to lose at the most. When I tell people that who know me they say "please don't lose anymore" "you will look unhealthy" okay okay... so I will let my body do what is natural at this point since it seems to have a mind of it's own lately. I won't, however, let my mind keep scaring me like this... I want to wake up everyday and feel like I am in control and like I have worked hard for 3 long years to get to this point and I am not looking back OR going back to the old me!!

So my plan is to STOP with the daily scale check in's, because that is where the mind starts to play games with you (I posted before about being a scale addict)...so I am going to ask my BF if he will put in somewhere I will not find it and then on the day I choose to weigh in I will have him bring it out. That will hopefully put my mind at ease and maybe get me into a routine where I am not constantly thinking about it. Out of sight out of mind.

Today's plan...

Today I packed a lunch... I needed something a little different as I usually go to the vending machine for a low, 6 point (low point as in Weight Watchers) green Chile burrito and I am afraid I will soon turn into one... so today I brought a blueberry bagel and a banana to slice on top instead of cream cheese. I have a PB & J sandwich for lunch and an apple and dry cereal for a snack when I start to feel "bingey". That should set my day up for success I hope.

I still haven't decided if my body is happy at the weight it is at or if I want to lose about 10-15 lbs still... it is hard because I have so much skin from losing so much weight so I have to take that into account also. I don't want to lose ALL of my curves and I am afraid that if I keep losing I will lose them all... so maybe I will try toning up and turning some of the fat into muscle... it won't help me lose because I will be replacing fat with muscle which is heavier. I need to go buy some weights. I also need to start walking at work again, so I need to set some goals!

Camping in Kamas :)

This weekend I went camping with my boyfriend and his cute lil 2.5 year old. We had so much fun, however, I ate poorly! Not as bad as I could have, but I went on a marshmallow binge... we made YUMMY hobo dinners with Beef, Potato's, Carrots, and Asparagus... so at least dinner was healthy! I just couldn't stop sticking marshmallows in the fire... and then eating them! I still haven't figured out why I didn't gain from it, but I am not going to complain:)

We went up to a really beautiful campground with MOOSE everywhere! There were waterfalls that were absolutely beautiful! it was nice to get out in the wilderness away from the chaotic city.

We went to this place called Samak Smokehouse... WOW they have the BEST beef jerky I have ever had... and it was so cute inside the lil smoke house... just like a log cabin! I will definitely be camping there often!